Please dump me.  You would rather look at porn than me.

Please dump me. As I’m typing this you’re trying to see my computer because you think I’m chatting with other girls.

Please dump me. For the past few weeks, you have non-stop attempted to stick your finger up my butt. I’m tired of it.

Please dump me. I can’t take it anymore.  At dinner last night you said “ever since they put a man on the moon, the weather has changed” as an explanation for global warming.  You can’t process a simple thought.  You don’t remember anything I tell you, no matter how many times I remind you or even if I write it down.  I am ready to K-I-L-L you, or myself, just to end the misery.

Please dump me. You live off $5 footlongs from Subway.

Please dump me. You always smell like your roommate’s Old Spice and you are a chick. Buy your own deodorant.

Please dump me. You refuse to shave your vag and I feel like I am french kissing Chewbacca.

Please dumpe me. We dated for a year and it ended so badly. Then we got back together and I really liked you. Now I am kind of just using you to pass the time before I go away to school and meet new interesting people. You’re unthoughtful, you stink and you don’t give a fuck about anything.

Please dump me. I’m sleeping with everyone but you, including your best friend and worst enemy. You know this but still wont go away!

Please dump me. You seriously think you can win McDonald’s Monopoly.