January 2011
2 posts
5 tags
Please dump me. You would rather look at porn than me.
5 tags
Please dump me. As I’m typing this you’re trying to see my computer because you think I’m chatting with other girls.
December 2010
1 post
4 tags
Please dump me. For the past few weeks, you have non-stop attempted to stick your finger up my butt. I’m tired of it.
November 2010
5 posts
6 tags
Please dump me. I can’t take it anymore. At dinner last night you said “ever since they put a man on the moon, the weather has changed” as an explanation for global warming. You can’t process a simple thought. You don’t remember anything I tell you, no matter how many times I remind you or even if I write it down. I am ready to K-I-L-L you, or myself, just to end the misery.
4 tags
Please dump me. You live off $5 footlongs from Subway.
4 tags
Please dump me. You always smell like your roommate’s Old Spice and you are a chick. Buy your own deodorant.
4 tags
Please dump me. You refuse to shave your vag and I feel like I am french kissing Chewbacca.
4 tags
Please dumpe me. We dated for a year and it ended so badly. Then we got back together and I really liked you. Now I am kind of just using you to pass the time before I go away to school and meet new interesting people. You’re unthoughtful, you stink and you don’t give a fuck about anything.
October 2010
7 posts
4 tags
Please dump me. I’m sleeping with everyone but you, including your best friend and worst enemy. You know this but still wont go away!
5 tags
Please dump me. You seriously think you can win McDonald’s Monopoly.
5 tags
Please dump me. You just told me I could ride the bus to the opera.
4 tags
Please dump me. You totally have bedbugs and won’t admit it.
5 tags
Please dump me. You claim to have hurt your neck at practice on Thursday and that has kept you from calling or texting back until now. It’s Sunday and you’re at work; you know I can’t see you and you can ignore my texts all you want.
4 tags
Please dump me. You are an ignorant sadist who listens to house music.
Please dump me. You’re almost 40 and teach without a PHD. You think your students think you are hot. They don’t. Neither does that other professor. Neither do I.
September 2010
2 posts
3 tags
Please dump me. You never brush your teeth and your breath smells like vomit.
5 tags
Please dump me. You think that eating three olives is a filling and substantial dinner, and you are a GUY.
August 2010
9 posts
5 tags
Please dump me. You keep joking about how you are using me for my car and it’s getting awkward.
5 tags
Please dump me. I am your girlfriend and I caught you kissing my younger brother.
4 tags
Please dump me. You have a painting of a topless woman riding a tiger.
5 tags
Please dump me. I look just like your mother.
Please dump me. Your refrigerator makes me sad.
Please dump me. You dump your kid off on me so you can play Farmville and cruise other boards for hours, then bitch we don’t spend any time together. If only your computer had a meter like a parking space.
4 tags
Please dump me. You finally got a job after four months then quit after a day and said you could find something else, no problem.
5 tags
Please dump me. You’re getting married on Saturday!
5 tags
Please dump me. For my birthday, you made me a playlist on YouTube.
July 2010
4 posts
5 tags
Please dump me. I think my girlfriend has left lots of the posts on here!
5 tags
Please dump me. We have been together for over two years. You gained 150 lbs in the first six months we were together. We have not had sex in two years. Get a clue. I do not have problems with my penis. My penis just dose not get hard with you.
5 tags
Please dump me. You called me a “walking melanoma” in front of our friends.
5 tags
Please dump me. You’ve put on 40 lbs in the past two years, and you think farting is the world’s funniest activity. We live with two of your frat-boy buddies and you all fart constantly.
June 2010
15 posts
5 tags
Please dump me. You ate nine pieces of bacon for dinner.
5 tags
Please dump me. You danced with my sister in a way you always said you were too embarrassed to dance with me.
5 tags
Please dump me. You put ketchup on everything.
5 tags
Please dump me. You and my best friend have been teaming up to make fun of me whenever the three of us hang out.
5 tags
Please dump me. You throw fast food trash out the side of your pickup.
5 tags
Please dump me. You drink four Red Bulls a day now.
5 tags
Please dump me. “About to be at your house” is not accurate when you are still 45 minutes away in another city, at a party you didn’t invite me to.
5 tags
Please dump me. Your phone is always dead.
5 tags
Please dump me. You have easily the messiest house i’ve ever been in. You haven’t washed your clothes in a couple weeks. Same deal with the sheets and pillowcases, they smell. Yet you give me crap for hours when i get a little bit of lube on the blankets.
5 tags
Please dump me. I asked you to borrow five dollars. You said you didn’t have any cash, then 30 minutes later we stopped to buy gum with your twenty dollar bill.
5 tags
Please dump me. You haven’t had shampoo in two weeks. What have you been doing?
5 tags
Please dump me. Your little boy keeps calling me by your ex-wife’s name.
5 tags
Please dump me. You smell like eggs.
5 tags
Please dump me. You want to get married but you’ve been going to school for almost 10 years and still can’t graduate. You live with two other guys and work part-time at FedEx tossing boxes.
5 tags
Please dump me. You changed your style of dress and now emulate mine. Instead of looking like my girlfriend, you look like my little brother. It’s weird. You’re going through an identity crisis.
May 2010
16 posts
5 tags
Please dump me. You lost my season six DVD set of The Simpsons.
5 tags
Please dump me. You make us make love to musical theater songs.
3 tags
Please dump me. You told me that I look like a snow cone.
2 tags
Please dump me. I told you I was trying to catch up on Lost before the finale and you just told me a character who died.
Please dump me. You made fun of me because I have to take the bus.